So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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