when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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