we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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