Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she peed on how many people?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
