could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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