Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
