Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
