At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
