Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
