I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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