so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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