Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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