Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He did a backflip because drugs
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
