i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
