sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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