you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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