Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My dick has a subreddit
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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