Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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