when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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