Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
