At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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