I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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