fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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