Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
