you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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