Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
