dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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