why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i love accidental penises.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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