I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
