The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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