My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
