I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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