So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
