Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
