Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
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I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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