420 ftw
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
