Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Pants are for mortals
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