I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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