my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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