im drinking this country out of the recession.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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