just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
