She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
