no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
