Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
