oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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