Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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