she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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