There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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