my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
