today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
