Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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