dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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