I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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